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The Tanner Wallace Podcast

Jul 21, 2020

#006: "It's too scary." That's how Dr. Harmony Sullivan, a therapist trained in Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, describes most people's hesitation to share their inner world of emotional experiences with their partner. In this episode, Dr. Harmony explains why couples can benefit from emotion-focused exploration of their fight-or-flight response patterns. She also shares an important thing to look for in a couples therapist and one thing you can do today as a couple to deepen your emotional connection. If you're confused by the fights you and your partner have, or just want a fresh new perspective on how to enhance intimacy in your relationship, you won't want to miss this expert advice and insight.

About the Show

In this episode, you’ll learn why Dr. Harmony leans into “anger” in therapy sessions and how to understand the emotion of anger as a desperate attempt for a partner to be heard and a sign your partner is fighting for your relationship. And you’ll also learn how the model of Emotionally Focused Couples therapy might help you understand how your attachment style is influencing so many of your most difficult interactions in your relationship. 

006’s Guest

Harmony Sullivan, PsyD, is a wife, mom, licensed clinical psychologist, lazy gardener, avid reader and beginning skateboarder in Pittsburgh, PA. She owns her own private practice where she works with couples and individuals with a range of struggles including with anxiety, relationships and issues related to the body, sex and sexual identity. She is a founding board member of the Pittsburgh Community for Emotionally Focused Therapy. Recently she has also been trying, like a lot of other white ladies in their 40's, to educate herself about how to be an anti-racist and to more fully integrate that work into her personal and professional life. Her husband sometimes has to remind her not to talk SO MUCH about couples and couples therapy, especially when she has had a few drinks and has cornered a stranger at a party (remember when we used to go to parties?! Sigh).

Websites, Ideas and Resources Mentioned

Dr. Harmony's Psychology Today listing

Pittsburgh Community or Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy

Where to find a EFT therapist

EFT Trainer George Faller illustrating the negative cycle in a fight he had with his wife

Hold Me Tight book

The Gottman Institute’s Conversation Starters

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