May 27, 2020
#003: "I became the one." That's how Marcus explains how he arrived at a place in his life when he was ready to commit to lifelong partnership with his fiancée. Learning from his own upbringing the things he wanted to do differently in his own life, he shares with us how important empathy is for loving connections to others. On this episode, we discuss the wisdom behind his Instagram posts, and his hopes to contribute positively to the world around us. Plus, you'll hear a story about pre-marriage commitment anxiety that instantly made me adore his fiancée.
About the Show
In the previous episode, Matt called picking your partner for life a “tall order.” All of us that have been married can agree that this is a very difficult task. In the U.S., most twentysomethings understand this to be “the task” of their decade. In many ways, if you haven’t picked your life partner by 30, you feel “behind.”
My sister offered my daughter this piece of advice, “Before you choose a life partner give yourself time to figure out what kind of life you want.” There is so much wisdom in that advice. How does one get it right? Is there such a thing as “the one”? Let’s learn together.
Want to discover the imprint of trauma on your everyday life? Complete "WOUNDED: How to Heal the Invisible Scars of Childhood Trauma" Tanner's on-demand trauma recovery training created by and for survivors just like you. Register HERE.
Formerly enrolled in ministry school at 19, Marcus is currently an undergraduate psychology student aspiring to be a relational therapist. He’s been working his way through college as a roofer and sharing his insights generously across multiple social media platforms. With wedding party plans on hold due to COVID-19, Marcus is still getting married this summer to a fellow classmate. They plan to stay in Canada for the immediate future.
Empathy: Understanding someone else’s emotions and being able to image their experiences
Attachment: An emotional bond with another human
Boundaries: Guidelines or limits around what behavior is acceptable from others
Emotional Attunement: Paying attention to and honoring someone’s emotional state
Websites, Resources, and Ideas Mentioned
You can find Marcus's content here: Instagram • Twitter • TikTok
Come Clean With Candy Kiss on YouTube
Tanner on Instagram
Dr. Kelly Flanagan’s insightful take on the 5 major barriers to empathy in marriage
An amusing, and instructive, animation of Dr. Brené Brown’s perspective on empathy
A short, well-written description of what personal boundaries are
Research Studies Informing the Recap
The quality of parental relationships and dispositional empathy as predictors of satisfaction during the transition to marriage; Plopa, M., Kaźmierczak. M. & Karasiewicz, K.
Pathways between attachment and marital satisfaction: The mediating roles of rumination, empathy, and forgiveness; Chung, M.
Thank you for being part of the Marriage is Hard community. If you're new here, you'll want to subscribe because just like today's episode on the next episode I'm having open, honest, and real conversations about life partnership that inspire and teach. Let's rock out the most important relationship we get to choose!