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Relational Healing


Jul 7, 2020

#005: "I was just being me." That's how Brandi remembers the first time she met her husband. She wasn't looking for romance. She wasn't trying to impress. She was actually trying to catch child predators. It’s quite a "how we met'' story. On this episode, we learn why a friendship that evolves into a life partnership might just be the kind of relationship able to evolve and expand over time. Brandi also shares why couples therapy saved her marriage and provides a glorious snapshot of what empty-nesting looks like in her household. If you love your kids, but crave more adult time, you won't want to miss this sneak peek into life after full-time kid-raising. It involves being pantless and couches!  

About the Show

I want you to imagine being 7 years into a marriage and wondering if the partnership would survive. Many of us can imagine this easily, because we’ve experienced it ourselves or those we love have. You don’t want to just walk away, but you are so miserable in your life, you feel overwhelmed and helpless. Would couples therapy help?

Now, there are a lot of opinions about whether couples therapy helps or hurts couples. But for couples that believe their marriages were saved through it, it's difficult to conclude it isn’t something that should be tried. Is there a way to know whether it is likely to be helpful for your marriage? 

It seems that authentic commitment to growth just might be a key factor in why some couples benefit and others don’t. Brandi shares a success story, and how we all can learn what it takes to successfully turn a marriage in trouble around.

Want to discover the imprint of trauma on your everyday life? Complete "WOUNDED: How to Heal the Invisible Scars of Childhood Trauma" Tanner's on-demand trauma recovery training created by and for survivors just like you. Register HERE.

005’s Guest

As a Detective of Crimes Against Children, Brandi clearly doesn’t shy away from dealing directly with the tough stuff of life. She’s journeyed from single mom grieving the death of her mother through a short-lived starter marriage to a brave exploration of why she has struggled to fully trust another human being. These days, she’s enjoying the emotional, financial and psychological benefits of a marriage that was worth saving. When she’s not busy keeping the world safer, she’s reading books on emotional intelligence and communication styles or out-and-about with her and husband’s newest empty-nesting purchase, a pickup camper.   

Websites, Ideas and Resources Mentioned

How a rough childhood influences adult relationships

Ideas from the Gottman Institute on how to build trust

Research Studies Informing the Recap

Stress in Childhood and Adulthood: Effects on Marital Quality Over Time; Umberson, Powers, & Needham

Childhood Adversity, Daily Stress, and Marital Strain in Same-Sex and Different-Sex Marriages; Donnelly, Umberson, & Kroeger

Thank you for being part of the Marriage is Hard community. If you're new here, you'll want to subscribe because just like today's episode on the next episode I'm having open, honest, and real conversations about life partnership that inspire and teach. Let's rock out the most important relationship we get to choose!