May 27, 2020
#003: "I became the one." That's how Marcus explains how he arrived at a place in his life when he was ready to commit to lifelong partnership with his fiancée. Learning from his own upbringing the things he wanted to do differently in his own life, he shares with us how important empathy is for loving connections to others. On this episode, we discuss the wisdom behind his Instagram posts, and his hopes to contribute positively to the world around us. Plus, you'll hear a story about pre-marriage commitment anxiety that instantly made me adore his fiancée.
About the Show
In the previous episode, Matt called picking your partner for life
a “tall order.” All of us that have been married can agree that
this is a very difficult task. In the U.S., most twentysomethings
understand this to be “the task” of their decade. In many ways, if
you haven’t picked your life partner by 30, you feel “behind.”
My sister offered my daughter this piece of advice, “Before you
choose a life partner give yourself time to figure out what kind of
life you want.” There is so much wisdom in that advice. How does
one get it right? Is there such a thing as “the one”? Let’s learn
together.
003’s Guest
Formerly enrolled in ministry school at 19, Marcus is currently an
undergraduate psychology student aspiring to be a relational
therapist. He’s been working his way through college as a roofer
and sharing his insights generously across multiple social media
platforms. With wedding party plans on hold due to COVID-19, Marcus
is still getting married this summer to a fellow classmate. They
plan to stay in Canada for the immediate future.
Key Concepts
Empathy: Understanding someone else’s emotions and being able to
image their experiences
Attachment: An emotional bond with another human
Boundaries: Guidelines or limits around what behavior is acceptable
from others
Emotional Attunement: Paying attention to and honoring someone’s
emotional state
Websites, Resources, and Ideas Mentioned
You can find Marcus's content here: Instagram •
Twitter •
TikTok
Come Clean With Candy Kiss on YouTube
Tanner on
Instagram
Dr. Kelly Flanagan’s insightful take on the
5 major barriers to empathy in marriage
An amusing, and instructive, animation of Dr.
Brené Brown’s perspective on empathy
A short, well-written
description of what personal boundaries are
Research Studies Informing the Recap
The quality
of parental relationships and dispositional empathy as predictors
of satisfaction during the transition to marriage; Plopa, M.,
Kaźmierczak. M. & Karasiewicz, K.
Pathways
between attachment and marital satisfaction: The mediating roles of
rumination, empathy, and forgiveness; Chung, M.
Thank you for being part of the Marriage is Hard community. If you're new here, you'll want to subscribe because just like today's episode on the next episode I'm having open, honest, and real conversations about life partnership that inspire and teach. Let's rock out the most important relationship we get to choose!
Join our free, private Relational Healing Lab Facebook group, a community space for adult survivors of childhood trauma who want to both recover AND dream big. I’m so glad the universe connected us, and we can’t wait to connect with you in the group.